cold, sad and lonely

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I’ve spent most of today trying to heal, taking Nyquil and Extra Strength Tylenol as well as my regular vitamins.

I’ve been a little down in the dumps lately. A little lonely. A huge part of me wants to wipe the slate clean and start afresh with relationships and acquaintances I’ve formed over the years.

In particular, the friendship that I once had with Sheila bothers me – we used to be great friends, maybe more (I’m not sure) – but one day, I know I got frustrated and I sent her some e-mails that definitely changed the dynamic. I was trying to be honest, and I don’t even remember exactly what I said, but it upset her so much that she thought I was a horrible person. 2 years later, I don’t even care who was right or who was wrong, it doesn’t matter but it does hurt when I hear from a friend of mine who met her, and when they talked about Kwantlen and who they knew from Kwantlen when he asked do you know Steve and she answers unfortunately yes, that hurts. In the end, I think she is an amazingly smart, bright, fun, exciting young woman who I respect a lot – in spite of whatever words we had so many years ago.

And the student association has had such a long history of people backstabbing other people and saying horrible things about other people without trying to find the good in each person – the good that each person who gets involved in the student union of just wanting to do things better for students. I know I’ve been involved in that back and forth and I regret some of the things I’ve said. And it pains me that some of my closest friends have had some really horrible, cruel things said about them – and for what purpose? To what end? Definitely in never helped improve things one bit for any student.

I don’t know why people have to be cruel and vindictive towards each other.

Why can’t people get along better?

Maybe I’m being very naive now – I dunno, but I just want to try and improve relationships in my life, for what is right, for what is good. Even my relationship with my Mother feels strained today cause she wants my room cleaned up and I’m feeling like crap still because of my week long battle with the flu but she keeps nagging me about it. Why do mothers always have to nag? How do I make something positive out of that? I tell her to not worry about it, to just leave it alone, that I will organize it and clean it up but it doesn’t matter to her.

anyway, I am going to try and start working on cleaning up my room – I got a new hard drive the other day, going to install it as the primary master and make the old one, that is giving me issues again – the secondary slave and just format it and hopefully it will not give me anymore issues. I also got some new Monster Cable which I will install in my room today so I can finally get some TV back going in my room and do some video editing. I had hookedup my room with Monster just after Christmas but then wanted to hookup our living room with Monster so I took all the stuff from my room and used it in the living room, and never bothered to replace what I’d raped from my own room. While I do that I can get in behind my desk and dust and really clean that all up, in behind all the components, etc. Then hopefully my Mom won’t nag anymore. So wish me LUCK on the install of the new drive – hopefully it won’t go awry. It takes a good day to install Windows and all the programs I use…

bleh.

BLEH

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