steveleenow: guestbook revisited

For some reason I was tempted to look through my guestbook. It’s kinda sad to see that the sites of so many people who visited my site are now dead. One of the only remaining active sites is this one. The person seems to maintain an interesting blog, one I may visit more regularly in the future.

It’s somewhat amazing how fast a game of checkers can change. In one instant you think you are behind, and in the next, you are able to jump three men and take the lead six to three. Then you move up to a higher level, and get your ass beat. You quickly realize just how much you actually suck at Chess, but you regroup and even after losing 7 or 8 games, you learn and watch what they do, and then you become better and eventually win again.

Why are you depressed? When you’re creative you can move from moments of extreme jubilation to extreme depression, sadness, loneliness. Moments of being scared, afraid – afraid to face the world. Afraid to be judged. Afraid to listen up, to look anew. To tackle a task. You just want to slide into a protective shell, like a turtle on a beach, beached like a whale, becoming bloated in the sun and the heat that beats down through the particles of dust, debris and ozone that makes up the air.

When you’re depressed you look to fill that void, by crawling into bed, to sleep, to allow the covers to form that protective shell, to form a wall, a soft casing around you, of comfort, of trust, of emptiness where your mind can become lost in the void, in its own thoughts. In its own thoughts, in its own thoughts, in its own thoughts, in its thoughts, in its own thoughts, in its thoughts, thought, in its thought, thoughts, thought, in its own thoughts, in its thought.

– Steve

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